The Ephemeral Beauty of the First Flickers of Friendship

Mariah Loves Earth, Life under the Sky, 2019

I’m sitting outside on this beautiful sunny day contemplating the ephemeral beauty of new friendships. This life-giving essence does not occur with all friendships—it is a rarity—but when it does arise it’s a magical experience; you feel as though your brain's neurons have lit up like a Las Vegas slot machine that has just landed on three red cherries. Occasionally, this feeling may arise when you are captivated by a life-changing book, have watched an enthralling film, entered a flow state during physical activity, or engaged in something deeply creative. The whirlwind of emotions, excitement, glee, and awe are reminiscent of one’s first time on an extraordinarily dizzying amusement park ride; its briefness mimics that of this period of friendship as well. 

Maybe it’s because Spring is in the air? Or maybe I am inspired by the nostalgic music of my youth? Whatever the cause, thoughts of this blissfully fleeting stage of friendship have inundated my mind like sweet memories of the first time I tried pistachio ice cream on a family camping trip. These memories don’t arise often, but when they do I cherish them. 

You yourself may be curious as to what the essence is of these rare friendship moments. I can best describe them through my own experiences. Picture this: You are sitting on a camping chair in your front yard, the sky is dark, but there is a gentle warm breeze. Your vision lingers on the leaves rustling on the great birch trees in the park across the street. You pull your bubblegum pink polyester princess blanket up to your chin and turn to your best friend sitting on your right. You are both in fourth grade. You take the moment to contemplate the shining stars and you ask your friend, “Do you think aliens exist?” In the 10 years of your existence, this is a deep question, and it may have been the first time that you asked it aloud. This single question spurs a cascade of fourth-grade philosophy. More than a decade later this moment stands fresh in your mind. 

Or picture this: You and your two best friends are in seventh grade having a sleepover. It’s just past 11 PM and all three of you have just snuck out of your best friend's window and wandered three kilometres to meet your best friend’s crush at a playground. You’ve never met this person before, but your best friend is being extra shy so you take this moment to rid the awkwardness by striking up a conversation. It ends up that you and this young man have quite a bit in common! You both love the 1986 Little Shop of Horrors movie with Steve Martin and you share a large portion of your music taste! The meeting feels serendipitous, but you don’t share any contact information—after all, he is your best friend’s crush. You never lay eyes on this person again, but still, the memory lingers on as a symbol of a shared meeting of minds. 

One of the images most freshly in my mind is that of a double date between myself, my husband, and our two friends. We went somewhere for dinner and then we walked to our cars. But once we arrived at our friends’ car it was as though we were frozen in place. We remained in that spot for about an hour! Our conversation just continued on, and on, and we were having too much of a good time to leave. It was surprising the amount of similarities between our mindsets, values, and beliefs. It felt as though we were symbiotically inspiring each other.

You likely have had your own interactions that symbolize a deep connection. More often than not, these connections are absolutely unexpected—they tend to occur in unexpected places with unexpected people. Sometimes the friendships are enduring, but more often than not like a flame in the night they flicker and fade away. Only the memories remain, like a sign post they point us in the direction of what we continue to seek. I frequently find myself returning to the Hindu concept of Darshan for an explanation. Darshan, from my understanding, is the auspicious blessings received by seeing and being seen by a deity. With these brief beginning sparks of friendship I believe that there is a richness that comes from feeling truly heard alongside a deep mutual curiosity. Through your words there is a latent messaging of, “hey, I get you, and I want to know more. I appreciate learning more about how you see the world.” 

Friendships can form and endure, but they do not always contain this mental stimulation. 

The fact that these beginning feelings of friendship are so fleeting tinges these memories with a melancholic joy. Relationships change, grow, endure and transform. Sometimes these moments last for a single day and other times it takes months to feel as though you have explored the crevices of another person’s mind, but ultimately this feeling cannot be long lasting. We become familiarized, lackadaisical, busy, or comfortable and the rhythm shifts. Ultimately, we must cherish these precious moments of friendship when they do occur because it certainly feels as though they only arise once in a blue moon.