My Teen Angst and The New Black

Mariah Loves Earth and DeepAI. Kind of like The New Black. 2023

The year was 2013, I had just turned 14 years old and the nights were warm. It was the kind of summer where you could walk around in a T-shirt and shorts with comfort, but it was still cool enough that you didn’t get sweaty. That was the best thing about the beginnings of July where I’m from. Some people call it Cowtown, but they haven’t ranched in the city limits in a life time. I had just gotten my learner’s license and I started developing a sense of curiosity for the world. There was something special about that year.

I was on the precipice of tenth grade. I was getting closer to being, what I considered, a full-on teenager. I spent forlorn nights in my room listening to Tumblr idolized musicians, with angsty music videos, that stated “I’m 15 years old and I feel it’s already too late to live, don’t you?*” As an adult, I can firmly state that I’m grateful it is called “teen” angst. 

My good-friend, at the time, Angie had invited me to a concert at the university for a band called The Dudes. All of the musicians had the classic boxy black glasses and large beards that were so adored in the early 2010s. It was an age of high-waisted, skinny-jeaned, white-Conversed, plaided out hipsters. They were a local band that the university crowd went wild for. I remember making eyes at the, much older, lead singer in the opening band. I danced for what felt like hours. At the end of the night, when we were walking to the vehicle of whichever-parent-was-on-driving-duty, some inebriated young adult shouted “Minors? Miners! Where are your pickaxes?” I’m not sure why that line has stayed in my mind all of these years. 

Angie and I were fortunate enough that we were able to snag a couple pics with both the openers and the main act after the show. Sure enough, looking back the pictures were pretty blurry and poor quality. They were  taken with a small, black, rudimentary cell phone that opened up like a miniature laptop—with the full keyboard to match. It was only a two megapixel camera, but at the time we were impressed. I remember being excited to post my pics on the coolest social media website—Facebook. 

I got home, plugged in my phone, and opened up the photos on my desktop. And to my surprise…There were a couple photo bombers! Diligently, I worked hard to creep around the band’s Facebook page and look through the tagged photos. There, right in the huge crowd shot, this person tagged themselves. Immediately I sent them a message that likely included a combination of “OMGz” and the “XD” emoticon. I was not shy on the internet at that age. 

It ended up that Lincoln was the same age as I at the time and that he was playing a show at an all-ages venue called The New Black. His band was named The Ampheads and it took years for me to realize it was their take on Radiohead. I can’t remember if it was the first time I visited The New Black, but I can definitely say it was the first time I went all on my own. In real life, I was a decently shy kid and a little self-conscious—which is pretty normal at that age. Before that night, I never went to events on my own. 
I remember meeting Lincoln, for the first time in person,  in the street and walking up to the venue together. We walked around to the back of the building where the entrance was and there was a smoke pit! The school I went to was ages 12-15 and there were only about 300 kids. I had never seen a smoke pit before. I was pretty sheltered. All the older teens looked so cool with their ripped denim and dyed black hair. 

Once inside, I was mesmerized. First, you paid $10 cash at the door and then got a stamp on your hand like you were at a club. After the door, you entered a relatively small room where you’d hear musicians tuning up. The main wall was covered with a graffiti mural and the stage floor was covered in imitation Persian rugs. The ceiling had exposed rafters and a real wood floor, not because it was cool, but because it was such an old building. There was even a giant pipe that had white writing that said “DON’T TOUCH!” The whole place could only fit about a hundred people or less.

Lincoln introduced me to the rest of his band and some of their school mates. Everyone was so welcoming and friendly! At one point, it felt like I was having an out of body experience. I was so in awe of the fact that it was just me who was there making my way in the world. Before this, I'd only ever ventured out to new places with old friends. Everything was so stimulating, I’d never been in an environment before where people had tattoos or mohawkes. I could feel the reverb of the bass in my chest. Live-streaming on social media didn't exist yet and everyone's phones were in their pockets. People were just feeling the music. When some late-teen ska band was playing a song called I’m a Waiter Lincoln and his friends taught me how to skank. I had never heard of the dance skank before, let alone ska itself. 

The New Black is long gone now and I can hardly remember the last time I spoke with my old friends, but my memory of that month is strong. It was a formative experience where I first gained the confidence to go out on my own and make some new friends. The last time I heard, all these years later, Lincoln ended up being the bassist for a nationally-renowned band whose CDs we listened to in high school. As for me, I’m still curious and still making my way in the world.

*This is a line from M83’s music video for the song Graveyard Girl—a song I listened to on repeat at that time.